Saturday, August 11, 2012

How Can I be your Lover When I'm too Busy Being Your Mother by Sara Dimerman & J.M. Kearns

Do you feel like your partner has become your child?

Do you find yourself being his maid, his cook, his manager?

Have romance, respect, fun—and sex—been drained out of your relationship?

In How Can I Be Your Lover When I’m Too Busy Being Your Mother? Sara Dimerman and J.M. Kearns lay bare an essential problem: the woman who finds she’s turned into a mother to her man instead of the equal and intimate partner she once was.

She has a day job just like he does, yet at home she finds herself doing most of the housework, running the home, and being in charge of the child-rearing, which makes her his boss in the one place they spend most of their time together. This leaves her feeling angry and resentful—hardly conducive to being lovers. Dimerman and Kearns boldly confront the issues, allowing both sexes to vent in a no-holds-barred exchange that ranges from hostile to hilarious. They deconstruct the problem using real-life examples and lay out a step-by-step path that will enable any couple to get back to being equal partners again.


We were asked to review this self-help book and although I think this is the first of its kind for us I admit that it may fit in kind of nicely with some of our followers.  I’d like to first point out that I’m not generally one for self-help books , probably because I’m not that in tune with myself that I can see if I need some guidance and because I’d rather immerse myself in fiction when I have time to read.

How Can I be Your Lover When I'm Too Busy Being Your Mother was really eye-opening for me on the benefits of getting some guidance. Initially I was pleasantly surprised that the authors really did their utmost to make this an easy read - it’s light in the right places, has some truly funny anecdotes and yet manages to make you feel like you’re in the same boat as many and there are things that can be done to bring you & your partner back to a place of balance and respect.

Each chapter is clearly defined and explained and although occasionally repetitive I found this comforting and in my case realised that my complaints about my own partner are mostly petty and should be shelved.  I’m lucky enough to not have to hold down a full time job as well as be parent, housekeeper and chief organiser and hats off to the many, many mothers and fathers who wear all these hats all the time.  Not to say that I don’t feel stay at home parents sometimes get the short end of the stick but although I couldn’t always relate to the issues in the book I did find myself really thinking about what was really important in my own little world.

I think How Can I be Your Lover When I'm Too Busy Being Your Mother is helpful and intelligent with the right balance of humour and realism.  If the title appeals to you even a little I think it’s worth a read and it’s worth also mentioning that there is both a male and female contributor so the opinions and situations are well balanced. Also important to mention - my husband picked up this book a few times and this novel has made its way into the hands of a male friend who thought it sounded interesting. So, its not necessarily just for the ladies. 

Thank you to Simon&Schuster Canada for our review copy!

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